The Many Humilities of Batman
by Whispering Lillies
Summary: Oneshots and drabbles about some of the humiliating things that have happened to Bruce Wayne over the course of his Batman career.
1. Stickers are fun!

**Hola!! This is going to be a set of drabbles and oneshots! Some of the ideas are my own but some of them belong to Mirrored In My Mind. She has helped me come up with ideas for this fic and so i want to dedicate this first chappie to her! I hope everyone enjoys it and please review!!!!!!!**

**Part 1: Stickers are fun!**

There was nothing amiss in Gotham so Bruce Wayne decided to take a nice relaxing walk around downtown. He never seemed to get outside lately without being dressed up in a bat costume.

He was deep in thought when a brightly colored sticker caught his attention. It was in the window of a random shop that was closed for the night. As he read it his eyes got big and his mouth dropped open. Right there stuck to the glass for the world to see was a big black and yellow sticker that said:

**My building was hit by Batman and lived!**

Bruce couldn't believe his eyes! He walked away quickly mulling over the sticker. Were there more? Who would buy such a thing? As he started to head home he paid more attention to his surroundings. Slowly his curiosity started to descend into panic. The more he walked the more horrified he became. They were EVERYWHERE!! The worst part of it was they weren't just on buildings. They were on cars and purses and shirts.

**Batman owes me money!**

**I was saved by Batman!**

There was even one sticker on a car right next to a big dent. It looked vaguely familiar and after reading the sticker Bruce remembered why.

**Batman hit my car!**

That would be the car he had jumped on last time he was chasing the Joker. The owner hadn't been very happy with him…

By the time Bruce was through the front door of his mansion he was screaming for Alfred. Surely he could shed some light on this mystery. Hearing the distress in Bruce's voice Alfred rushed out to the entry way.

"Master Bruce what's wrong?!" The elderly butler seemed genuinely concerned for his friend and boss, but there was a sly spark in his eyes. Bruce however was too wrapped up in his own mind to take any notice. Rapidly Bruce explained to Alfred what he had seen during his walk. What did his butler know of this? Surely it hadn't just happened overnight.

Alfred claimed he had no idea what was going on and instructed Bruce not to worry about it. Then he made his master some hot chocolate and sent him to bed.

When Bruce was safely asleep Alfred pulled a check out of a pocket inside his jacket and laughed.

"I knew those stickers were a good idea! Poor master Bruce never knew what hit him!"

**Poor Bruce. To have a slightly evil butler....Please press the button that says review and tell me what you think!!!! ^_^**


	2. Joyride!

**Sorry it's been awhile! Here's the next chappie!! I did it after my band exam....Thanks to eveyone who reviewed!! Hope you enjoy and make sure you review so i don't have to kill you! And sadly i don't own Batman or Teen Titans....*tear* Just a heads up this is a cross over with Teen Titans in case you hadn't already guessed. Now READ!!!**

**Part 2: Joyride**

Bruce Wayne got home late. He hadn't been out as Batman tonight but rather as bachelor party boy billionaire. Right before going to bed he decided to check on his pride and joy. The Batmobile. When he entered the Batcave his eyes grew wide with shock.

The spotlight that usually shone down on the wonderful, shiny car was illuminating an empty space. Bruce started screaming and running around like a chicken with his head cut off. He searched the entire cave frantically, looking in every corner imaginable in case he had misplaced his precious car.

Then he had an idea. Robin would know what to do! At the moment however Robin was over in Jump City with the Teen Titans. Bruce ran over to his huge computer and immediately called the Titans.

Luckily Robin answered and the surprise on his face was a Kodak moment. He seemed distracted for some reason even though the two of them hadn't talked in quite a while. Usually Bruce gets his ex-apprentice's full attention when they talk. This was highly unusual but Batman couldn't worry about it right now. There were more urgent matters that needed to be dealt with first.

"Where's the Batmobile!?" He shouted, his eyes wild with worry. What if his car had been scratched? Robin seemed at a loss for words. What to do tell the truth or lie his ass off and hope it works? He chose the latter.

"No I haven't seen it lately," Out of nowhere in the background said missing car raced across the screen followed closely by the rest of the Titans. "Why would I know where your car is?" Now the Batmobile was doing doughnuts while the titans desperately tried to stop it without causing too much damage.

"Yo, Robin! Has he figured it out yet?" Came a shout from Cyborg right before he fired his sonic cannon. Bruce's eyes were alight with anger at the treatment of his shiny precious car. If there was a single scratch Robin was dead. But how did his Batmobile get all the way over to Jump City without him knowing. The Batcave has state of the art security.

Robin finally figured out that lying wasn't going to work anymore so with a sigh he hurriedly told the truth.

"One of our enemies overheard Cyborg ogling over a picture of your car and decided he wanted to take it for a joyride. He got through security because he can instantly teleport. I swear we'll give it back!...as soon as we catch it that is… From behind Robin someone shouted, "Isn't there an off button!!"

This was going to be a very long night for Bruce Wayne.

**Hehehehehe.....Review Please!!! ^_^**


	3. All nighters and sleep deprivation

**Hola!!! I've finally updated! This just popped into my head out of nowhere! Hope you enjoy and make sure to review!!!! And i don't own Batman...*tear*...**

While at Wayne Enterprises during the day Bruce Wayne had heard a lot about it. Everyone had claimed that it was addicting and fun. So he had gone out and bought it never really expecting to like such a child's game but deciding to try nonetheless. Big mistake.

He had meant to dress up and do some rounds around the city that night he really had but he had lost track of time. When he finally took a break for a snack he happened to look at the clock. Five am! Where had all the time gone! He had only mastered a couple songs on the hard setting! Surely the kitchen clock was wrong! He glanced at his watch but it showed the same time.

The same day he had to go to Wayne Enterprises early for a very, extremely important meeting. He ended up falling asleep halfway through due to his lack of sleep the night before.

That week no one could understand what had happened to Batman. He was nowhere to be found as criminals were actually successful. At the same time no one knew what Bruce Wayne was doing when he went home every night. No one had seen him at any parties lately but he still showed up at work exhausted every day. The bags under his eyes were getting noticeably bigger and darker.

Finally Alfred put his foot down. This behavior was simply unacceptable. He went into the living room to drag Bruce away from the TV if need be.

Once again at 5am Bruce Wayne headed for bed but before entering his room he said a tired goodnight to his loyal butler and best friend who had ended up staying awake too.

After a week Alfred felt horrible from sleep deprivation and because Bruce wasn't doing much better quickly tossed the evil, addicting game system and the game 'Rock Band' out the third story window. Bruce would be terrible unhappy when he came home but Alfred reasoned it was for the best. From now on they would stick with more old fashioned games like checkers and would only dream about the wonders of 'Rock Band' and the songs they had yet to master.

**REVIEW!!!!!! ^_^**


	4. Concerts and Headaches

**I finally updated!! I've been toying with this idea for a while now and just finished typing it! Hopefully i'll update again soon! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and please keep it up! I love hearing your thoughts and if you want to request a situation feel free! Sadly i don't own Batman so you're not allowed to sue! HA! * sticks tongue out at lawyers* Now enjoy!**

Bruce rubbed his temples in an attempt to dispel the painful headache that was developing. The music was too loud, the lyrics depressing and the screaming really annoying. People actually enjoyed this type of music? Could it even be considered music? To him it just sounded like a bunch of screaming to electric guitars and drums on crack. But he had to come; there just hadn't been a way around it.

Last week an important investor in Wayne Enterprises had called Bruce Wayne personally asking for a favor. His daughter had wanted to go to a concert by one of her favorite bands with a friend. Of course he couldn't go but Bruce did owe him a favor and the investor thought that he was young enough to enjoy himself. Well Bruce figured he could just hire someone to escort the two girls but no; the investor wanted Mr. Wayne himself to go. And if his daughter didn't have an absolutely wonderful time, within reason, then there would be hell to pay.

So Bruce had made sure to show up on time at the girl's house in a limousine with Alfred driving. The butler had found the situation extremely amusing and was not in the least bit sympathetic to his master's predicament. He had done some research online about the band. Their new music wasn't too bad but their older songs had a lot of screaming in them. Bruce was sure to have a headache by the end of the night. Still he had agreed and he did need to honor his arrangement with the investor. Fortunately for Alfred he didn't have to watch the concert, he was free to do anything he wanted until the show was over after the initial drop off.

When Bruce saw the girls his mouth dropped open in surprise. They were wearing all black. Their pants had chains hanging from the sides, their shirts had the band name on them with skulls, their eyeliner, lipstick, nails and hair were all pitch black. One had an eyebrow piercing while the other had her lip pierced. They also both had multiple ear piercings going all the way around the ear. They seemed excited for the show and after a quick goodbye to a man standing just inside the door they practically ran to the limo. Bruce managed to shut his mouth just in time for the girls to climb in. He thought he heard a chuckle come from the driver seat.

"Thanks so much for coming with us! I thought my dad was never going to let us out of the house!" Bruce could only wonder how they got out of the house tonight dressed like that! Before he could say anything the young girl kept going.

"By the way my name is Bree and this is my friend Evelyn." She gestured to the girl sitting next to her. So now he could tell the two of them apart. Bree, the investor's daughter, had her eyebrow pierced and her friend had her lip pierced.

That was how he got into this horrifying situation. Right away he could tell this wasn't going to be fun after seeing how Bree and Evelyn had dressed. Everyone at the stupid concert had dressed similarly too except of course for Bruce. He had worn some khaki's and a nice button down blue shirt. He didn't feel scary enough once they arrived and were pushing through the crowd. Everyone had body piercings and tattoos, skulls and blood were scattered on shirts throughout the people. Maybe he should have worn his Batman costume, then he'd fit right in!

Bruce kept losing sight of the two girls and each time he just about lost his mind looking for them. Every time he had found them at a stand selling items of the band, were they obsessed or what! He sighed when the concert finally started. Hopefully it would be a nice little break from running all over the grounds. Bree's father would undoubtedly kill him if he happened to lose his only daughter.

Then the music started. The electric guitars overshadowed everything else and he could feel a headache beginning, or at least that's what he thought before the singing started. The band started off with one of their older songs. Once the screaming began Bruce knew he wouldn't have a headache after all. He'd have a migraine.

Bree and Evelyn seemed to be enjoying themselves however which was a good sign. They sang along to EVERY song and yelled at the top of their lungs often. Would Bruce get in trouble if they lost their voices? He hoped not, otherwise he was in big trouble!

Luckily Alfred was on time because Bruce was totally worn out. After the concert was over the girls just had to go and get autographs which included more lines and another crowd. Once again Bruce lost sight of them and he started to wonder if they were TRYING to lose him. He had to admit the thought crossed his mind more than once…still they wouldn't be that cruel would they? He started panicking even more.

After what seemed an eternity Bruce managed to herd everyone into the limo and they drove towards Bree's house. The girls talked animatedly all the way to the house which didn't help the migraine. Next time he would have to think longer before he acted. Still he hoped they were in high enough spirits that the investor would be satisfied.

Bruce walked them up to the door and the investor wanted to see him tomorrow to talk about the events of tonight. He was too tired to have a discussion right now. Bruce agreed and Alfred drove home. That night he had trouble sleeping that night, he tossed and turned as his mind went into overdrive. What if he had done something wrong? What if there had been something he could've done better?

The next day a very exhausted Bruce Wayne showed up on the investor's doorstep. He rang the bell and was surprised when a young lady answered it and gave him a wide grin. It took his tired brain a minute to figure out that the girl who let him into the house was actually Bree! Without all the black she was a lovely, normal teenager. The only black left was her nails, everything else was different. Her hair was brown and she wore some blue jeans with a t-shirt. She led him onto a sun porch where her father was waiting. Then she swiftly left the two to talk alone. Immediately the investor strode over to Bruce and gave him a big hug. He was grinning which seemed a good sign.

"You did excellent last night! Bree won't shut up about how much fun she had! She wants you to be her escort to all the concerts in the future! Aren't you so excited?" Bruce couldn't believe his ears. EVERY FUTURE CONCERT! One had been bad enough but there were more?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! At least this time he could decline the offer politely…but he had lost sleep last night over this…hmmmm…

A look of confusion passed briefly over Bruce's face. It was only there for a second but the investor was used to dealing with people. He understood at once.

"Oh you were worried about that little threat weren't you? HAHAHA!! I was just joking! It worked too didn't it? Come on don't lie!" Bruce wanted to bang his head against the nearest wall. A joke! He had lost sleep over a prank!

That was the last time he ever listened to 'Avenged Sevenfold' ever again and whenever anyone so much as mentioned rock music he would cover his ears and talk really loud to drown out everything else and go to his happy place.

**I just love torturing Bruce...Please Review! ^_^**


	5. Scaredy Cat

**YAY I updated!!! And you didn't have to wait forever this time! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And i would like to dedicate this chappie to _sanmi _who requested an encounter with Catwoman. If you have any ideas please share! I will do may best! ^_^ Now enjoy!**

While in the Batcave one night an alarm sounded. In an instant Bruce Wayne was in costume and ready to roll. He sped in the Batmobile to, surprisingly, Target. Apparently someone had broken in and the police were having some trouble with apprehending the criminal.

Batman entered the building via the roof and began searching for the unidentified intruder. It didn't take him very long to spot her. She was in the pet section looking at catnip and an assortment of toys. As soon as she noticed Bruce a maniacal gleam crept into her eyes.

In the meantime Bruce Wayne couldn't help but ogle at the woman. She was in a tight black leather outfit that accentuated her curves nicely and showed off how fit she was. It was every boys dream to go out with a HOT chick like her.

Her laughter brought him out of his trance before he had the chance to start drooling.

"So big boy what brings you here? If you stare much harder you'll slip into a coma." At the same time Bruce had been ogling the woman she had been studying him. And she seemed to like what she saw. Bruce didn't know what to do. He didn't want to have to beat up such a pretty lady but at the same time she is a criminal and he is the protector of Gotham. It wouldn't look good if he failed to apprehend someone because of their gender. Even if they were a hot babe.

He managed to stammer a reply to her question after several seconds of processing.

"I'm… Batman! Who are you… and why are you robbing… Target?" Those seemed like reasonable questions. Didn't they? Suddenly Bruce began to wonder if he was being too childish, what if she thought he was just some guy dressed up as a bat with too much time on his hands, trying to play hero and she made fun of him?

Sweat glistened on his face as the mysterious woman sauntered closer. Her hips swayed back and forth rhythmically and a grin stretched across her face. She had a mask with eyeholes covering the upper part of her face but as he watched her nervously he made the mistake of looking her square in the eyes. Next thing he knew she had him pinned up against the nearest wall.

How humiliating.

Then she whispered in his ear, causing a blush to rise in his cheeks.

"You can call me Catwoman. I'm a thief so what do you think I'm doing? Of course I'll surrender if you take a stray like me home with you. That would be just purrfect!" That seemed to bring Bruce back to his senses. Now he was just a little freaked out. Here was this woman, Catwoman to be exact, who used horrible puns, had a funny name and he just noticed that she carried a whip. Other than Indiana Jones who carries a whip?!

Well eventually Bruce Wayne managed a reply and told her that he was a loner so she would just have to find someone else in jail. That really pissed her off. It would appear that she wasn't used to being rejected and not getting what she wanted when she wanted it. So her and Batman had a fight in the middle of Target which resulted in Catwoman escaping and Bruce barely making it out of the store before the SWAT team arrived.

The next day there was a note taped to the front gates of Wayne Manor. And the next day a couple of stray cats showed up. And the following day Alfred answered the phone and the caller hung up.

So Bruce Wayne effectively now has a stalker and can never look at cats without shuddering.

**Hope you enjoyed! REVIEW!!!! Or else....and i don't own Batman because otherwise he would kill himself after reading this fic...**


	6. Obsession to the extreme

**Hola! Here's the next chappie! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed!!!! I GRADUATED!!!! YAY!!! So this idea came to me last night after i pulled a 22 hour all nighter! So please review and let me know what you think, and also just a reminder that i do take requests! If you have an idea i will find a way to use it! And i don' t own Batman...MUH, HA, HA...**

Bruce was exhausted! He could barely keep his eyes open but still he wouldn't sleep, couldn't sleep. Not with so many villains running around at the same time. Two nights ago there had been a breakout at Arkham Asylum. The Joker, Riddler, Penguin, and Catwoman escaped. So far Bruce had managed to capture Penguin and Catwoman but the Joker and Riddler were still at large.

Currently he was sitting at a computer trying to find them. He had a police scanner on the desk next to him and the Gotham newspaper up on the screen before him looking for clues. So far he hadn't had a wink of sleep since the breakout. Some of the criminals had been easy to locate and capture but it still had been work and right now he was feeling the effects of all that hard work.

His eyelids were drooping while his head slowly fell to his chest. Alfred walked quietly in and placed a blanket over the shoulders of his friend, a look of disapproval clear on his face. He wished that Bruce wouldn't push himself so hard; he needed a break but was too stubborn to admit it. Instead he worked himself to death and if there was another emergency he would be in no condition to do anything to help.

Bruce was fast asleep when the alarm sounded. He woke with a start and crashed to the floor of the Batcave. Hair disheveled he looked around groggily, sudden realization dawning on him. With a groan he stood up and ran to change. Quickly he dressed in his typical bat costume, lastly slipping his mask into place. Satisfied that he hadn't forgotten anything Batman headed for his wonderful, sparkly car. He had planned to check the location of the emergency once he was driving and then he could just zip over there and save the day. As soon as that was finished he would come home and go to bed…after checking the city for the escaped criminals of course…but he couldn't keep a smile from forming when he thought about his nice warm bed.

That slight hesitation saved him from what could've been the most humiliating thing to ever happen to him in his life. Alfred coughed and tried to hide a grin of his own when he saw Master Bruce. He hadn't had this particular situation in mind when he assumed his friend would be ill prepared for an emergency but it works.

Bruce Wayne was standing in front of the Batmobile all ready to fight crime except for one small thing. Well Bruce wouldn't think it was a tiny thing but that's just his opinion; it would seem that in his mindless scramble he had forgotten to put pants on! He remembered everything else, his chest armor, his mask, his belt, his shoes and his gloves. Alfred thought that if you only looked at his upper body Bruce was quite a striking figure, however if you looked lower the Spongebob boxers ruined any semblance of dignity.

Alfred felt it was his duty to point out the obvious mistake and to say Bruce was startled would be an understatement. Hurriedly, and blushing profusely, he found his pants and put them on before going out that night. Bruce only thanked his lucky stars that Catwoman hadn't been around at that particular moment. She would have had a field day with that episode, especially if she had a camera with her.

Bruce learned that while all nighters can be fun you should never stay up too late obsessing over escaped criminals instead of sleeping. Little did he know that Alfred had had a camera with him…and an ebay account…and a youtube account…

**REVIEW!!! There's a cute button around here somewhere that you can press!! ^_^**


	7. Home alone

**Hola! I know it's been awhile and i'm sorry!!!!! I won't be able to post next week because i'm going on a camping trip...it's not my fault!!! Please review and tell me what you think! And suggestions are always welcome! Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time. Lastly i don't own Batman because if i did he would kill me to end his torment...Now enjoy! ^_^**

Alfred came home shocked! How could one person cause such destruction in one day? Of course Alfred should've known better than to leave Bruce Wayne home alone for a day when he was still only in his twenties. The astonished butler shook his head in resignation. He would have to start cleaning up soon and that was liable to take a while.

**That Morning…**

Bruce stared hard at Alfred as he listened to the news. He was very suspicious of his long time butler who claimed to have important business to take care of. The hardest thing to believe however was that this secret business would take all day! How was Bruce supposed to feed himself! He was not a chef, he was a hero! There was also the fact that Alfred left him a list of things to do for the day. Supposedly it was to keep him from becoming bored.

Bruce waved goodbye as Alfred drove off leaving him all alone in the huge mansion. With terror in his eyes he went inside to look at the list.

_all the carpets_

_the windows on the first floor_

_and Liquid Gold all wood furniture_

_weeds in flower beds (gardener is off today)_

_dishes_

_stovetop and front of microwave_

_bathrooms_

Bruce's eyes grew wide as he read the list left by Alfred. He had never done any of these things before!! Alfred had been kind enough to leave all the necessary cleaning supplies out in plain view for Bruce but even this small favor wouldn't be enough to save the house from total destruction.

Bruce managed to vacuum alright, it was very straightforward. Then came the windows, he had no idea what product to use! Everything seemed alike! He quickly put aside the toilet bowl cleaner and the Liquid Gold but that still left the Windex, Lysol, and Clorox. So Bruce did enie-meanie-minie-mo to determine what to use. He ended up using the Lysol kitchen cleaner on the windows and smear marks were everywhere.

Next on his list was dusting and using a horrible smelling product called Liquid Gold. The product was supposed to be good for the wood and would help keep it shiny. First he poured too much onto his cleaning rag so it was running down the sides of a bookshelf. Then he accidently got some on his black t-shirt, staining it. In his frustration the bottle slipped through his fingers and fell to the floor with a clang. Seeing the puddle of Liquid Gold on the white carpet sent Bruce into a panic. He tried to mop up as much of it as possible but it was no use. There was a huge stain that would be impossible to hide. So Bruce threw away the bottle of Liquid Gold and quickly exited the room whistling. With any luck Alfred wouldn't notice anything…

The last thing Bruce decided to do before lunch was to pull weeds. That didn't sound too hard. He went around all the flower beds randomly pulling anything he thought didn't belong…

Once in the kitchen Bruce called for Alfred. He was starving! Who knew that housework could take so much out of you? After several minutes of waiting for his faithful butler Mr. Wayne had an epiphany. Alfred wasn't home! He would have to cook himself!

He started off by tying an apron around his waist and then decided to look through the cupboards. He decided on Macaroni and Cheese, a salad and a smoothie. For the Mac & Cheese he simply followed the directions and set some water on the stove to boil. Then it was time for the salad. He found some ingredients in the fridge and threw them together. Setting the dish off to the side he checked the boiling water. Nothing seemed to be happening…

So while he was waiting he found the blender and filled it with ice. After adding some whole fruit to the mix he pressed the on button. The blender crushed some of the ice and fruit then everything erupted out of the top! It flew and splatted onto the ceiling along with anything that was in the vicinity.

Wiping smoothie out of his eyes Bruce checked on the water again. Still nothing! That's when he realized that he hadn't turned the stove on! So he turned the burner up to high and went back to the blender. His salad was ruined forcing Bruce to look for a substitute. He searched around and ended up cooking some boxed popcorn shrimp. He placed them on a broiling pan and turned on the oven. He didn't know what button to press! While he was looking at the directions on the box the water started to boil over the pot!

Distracted he attempted to grab the pot and lift it off the burner…the water calmed down significantly after burning his hands. Frustrated yet again Bruce pushed some buttons on the stove and started cooking the shrimp. After turning down the heat on the burner the masked crusader sat down for a minute. He was exhausted! How did Alfred do it all? He was definitely learning to appreciate his friend more. That was all he managed to think before smoke started rising from the closed oven and smoke alarms all over the house began to blare! Coughing he ran to the stove and turned off the oven. Fanning the smoke away from the oven door Bruce hastily checked on the popcorn shrimp.

That was when Alfred had walked in. He had only been kidding when he told Bruce he'd be gone all day! Of course he left a list because he felt that lately he'd been underappreciated but he hadn't really expected Bruce to attempt the things on the list! Plus his friend had tried to cook!

Seeing the expression on Bruce Wayne's face Alfred couldn't hold back his laughter. The great Batman who has caught the most dangerous criminals in Gotham was covered in some sort of concoction from head to foot while holding a tray of burnt shrimp and looking as if he would start crying any second now! And outside there were uprooted plants and clods of grass everywhere! You couldn't see out of the first floor windows and the house smelled of smoke.

When Bruce saw Alfred walk through the door he couldn't keep the relief off his face. He was saved! Alfred would make everything better! Bruce ran over to his butler and just as he hugged him in gratitude the water boiled over again.

**Hope you enjoyed and REVIEW!!!!!!! **


	8. Attack!

**Hola!!! So sorry i haven't updated in a while!! I went to my Aunt's house for 2 weeks and i've been getting ready for college...I'M SORRY!! I hope this makes up for it! Please review and suggestions are welcome! Also i don't own Batman because if i did he would have gone insane by now... ^_^**

Bruce was nervous about a big party he was hosting at Wayne Mansion later that night. It wasn't the party itself that had him jumping at shadows all day but the thought that his stalker fan girls would figure a way to infiltrate the mansion and ruin everything. No matter the level of security several teenage girls had been following him EVERYWHERE these past several weeks. He'd turn around and there they were waiting to take pictures and text their friends that they were looking at Bruce Wayne in person! It was exhausting to try and slip away from the girls only to have them show up again a couple hours later. Bruce jumped as he heard a noise on the stairs. The girls were also making him extremely paranoid. With any luck there would be too many people crowded in his house for the girls to locate him in a timely manner. Plus he was getting ready to set up some extra security measures. His plan was to set up something that would alert him when the girls arrived so he could excuse himself, change into Batman and go the whole night without being molested.

Alfred had found the whole situation to be quite hilarious. He called the young women "Bruce's fan girls" and over the last several days had managed to contact all of them about tonight's festivities. The butler couldn't hide the smirk that lit up his face at the thought. Bruce needed to learn that teenage girls are people too. An added bonus was that the few girls who had recently been stalking Bruce were the spokespeople for an entire fan site dedicated to the world's most famous bachelor. After inviting everyone Alfred had checked online and sure enough there was a recent posting that invited anyone in the area to show up. Alfred expected a nice turn out this evening. He could only imagine the look on Bruce's face when the girls crashed the party…

Quickly Bruce Wayne finished dressing in his best tuxedo for his party. He thought about the preparations he had made during the day for the arrival of the inevitable fans. How could teenage girls be so single minded? You would imagine that they would get bored after a couple days of following him but no they were just as enthusiastic as the first night. Briefly he wondered if they had a website… the horror sent a chill down his spine and he shook his head to dispel the image trapped there. His gadgets would work and he would live through the night. He repeated the same thing in his head as he went to greet the first of the guests, 'I will survive. I will survive. I will survive…'

The doorbell rang and Alfred opened the huge front doors to let the guests in. The driveway was choked with cars and people were everywhere. No one was trying to be fashionably late tonight, not when they were invited to one of Bruce Wayne's parties. As soon as the first guest entered an alarm went off scaring everyone! Bruce came running and apologized profusely. The blaring alarm stopped and was most likely disabled. Whenever Bruce wasn't looking at a guest he was frowning into space.

The alarm should've worked! It was only supposed to go off when the scanner located behind the door sensed someone of a certain height and weight. The woman who set it off was clearly not a teenager. Though she did have the physique of a young girl… he thought about what other factors he could use to improve the sensor when a car screeched to a stop as close to the door as it could get. Two more cars were following the first and a new wave of guests got out. Bruce's eyes widened in disbelief at the congregation, he recognized the few girls who had been stalking him but... they had brought friends tonight! Three cars of screaming, raving, lunatic teenage girls started running for the front door. All of them were equipped with cameras, autograph books, and cell phones. Bruce bolted before he could see Alfred trying to hold back the laughter that was consuming him.

The look on his face!! The look on Bruce Wayne's face at the sight of all the fan girls had been priceless! A true Kodak moment. Alfred couldn't have planned it any better! He let the girls in without any hesitation and then proceeded to roll on the floor with laughter. Poor Bruce was probably changing into his Batman costume right now and then he was in for another surprise…

Bruce sighed in relief as he drove as far away from his house as possible. He had just managed to dodge the girls and escape. Now he could enjoy a night fighting crime without any annoying girls bothering him. He parked the Batmobile in a dark alley and began his patrol of the city.

It took longer than Alfred thought it would for them to find him. He had really expected the distress call earlier. When investigating the Bruce Wayne fan site Alfred had found a link to another site. Not being able to control himself he had called those girls up too to schedule something. Never in his wildest imaginations had he imagined this though. Luckily he had had a camera with him otherwise he would have never forgiven himself. This was just too hilarious. After receiving a distress call from Batman Alfred had driven over to investigate. He parked next to the Batmobile and then proceeded to drive Bruce's precious car to his location. He was in the park, in a tree with a hoard of Batman fan girls surrounding the base. His face was one of absolute terror at the thought of falling out the tree and into the waiting arms of yet more teenage girls. A look of relief flooded his face as he saw his car drive through the girls and gratefully he jumped down inside it. Once inside the safety of his car he noticed what Alfred had in his hands. A video camera! Groaning Bruce let Alfred drive them home where the house was a wreck and all the guests gone.

The video was number 1 on youtube for months…

**REVIEW!!! Hope you enjoyed and if you have any annoying little idea in your head for a way to embarrass Bruce let me know! :p**


	9. Let's play dress up!

**Hola! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long!!! I'm trying to balance my schedule between college and a job!!! I feel like I have no time!!! But here is a new chapter and I hope you enjoy it! Please REVIEW!**

Bruce Wayne got ready to leave. He was expected at a big party tonight so, much to his own disappointment, he was unable to do any crime fighting. Alfred on the other hand was ecstatic; he couldn't wait for Bruce to leave the mansion.

Bruce wasn't making it easy though. He kept forgetting things right when he was about to drive away, a book, CD, Batman action figure, etc and had to come back inside. Finally Alfred got so fed up with his childish behavior that he locked the doors then proceeded to shove the nearest end table in front of them. Realizing his stalling tactics had been discovered Bruce gave up and drove to the pointless party.

After waiting a few minutes to make sure he was really, truly gone a huge grin spread across Alfred's face. At long last he could do it!

The butler grabbed some latex gloves, a face mask, a bucket and mop, and a variety of other products he thought were needed. Then he took a deep breath and headed down the stairs.

Alfred could not believe how filthy the Batcave had become recently. He understood that Bruce was constantly working trying to catch the Joker but still! The worst part of it was that Bruce had been adamant that Alfred not clean while he was trying to work, which seemed to be all the time. However, tonight Bruce Wayne was nowhere in sight and would not be coming home again until early into the morning. It was the perfect opportunity!

So Alfred toiled away in the recesses of the Batcave. He cleaned everything he could possibly think of and then some. All the while he was waiting for whatever was living down there to pop out and eat him. After a while he took a much needed break and sat down at Batman's now clean and shiny computer console. His elbow accidently hit a small red button. Alfred gave a yell of surprise when a wall opened with a whoosh to reveal the Bat Costume. The butler had to admit it was impressive looking, but he was on a cleaning streak so his next thought was wondering when the last time the costume had been washed…he shuddered to think…

After he had finished disinfecting the entire Batcave Alfred was exhausted! Bruce was still not home even though it was well into the morning. That's when Alfred got an idea; his cleaning was not quite done. He headed over to the computer console and hit the little red button. Once again the wall whooshed open to reveal Batman's costume. The problem Alfred realized was that he didn't know how to wash the suit. Was it machine washable? Most likely not. So how did one proceed to clean it of all the little disgusting germs? To better get an idea of the material the suit was made of Alfred thought he should try it on. After all he didn't want to do something stupid like dye it pink on accident...

Bruce was not having a good night. The party had been dull and boring then he had been forced to stay until two in the morning. He was glad when he parked the car in the driveway and walked up to the front door. He tried to open it but it was locked. Great. The great Batman was locked out of his own house! He yelled for Alfred but the butler never appeared. With a sigh he walked around to the back door and was grateful that Alfred had forgotten to lock it. When he got inside all the lights were off. Odd… After checking the entire house and not finding an Alfred, Bruce headed down to the Batcave. He couldn't think of any other place his friend would be and he could vaguely remember that Alfred had wanted to clean the cave…

Bruce was so bummed that he didn't have a camera for the true Kodak moment that awaited him. He laughed until his sides hurt and his lungs were burning. Then to top it all off he slipped on the wet floor and rolled around unable to stop laughing. There was Alfred, short, and not very muscular, dressed in an oversized Batman costume! The sleeves and pant legs were too long and the chest armor sagged. Plus the mask was lopsided and on the verge of falling off. Overall it was a highly comical sight. Upon seeing Bruce, Alfred's cheeks turned bright red and he had trouble forming coherent sentences.

The week following the incident Alfred avoided Bruce like the plague. Every time Bruce saw him he would break out in laughter. Luckily for Bruce he had recently installed a new security camera in the Batcave so everything was caught on tape…revenge is so sweet.

**So what did everyone think?? Please review and ideas are always welcome!! ^_^ I will try to update soon!!**


	10. Invasion!

**Hola!! So here's the next chappie! Thank you to everyone who reviewed and to those who shared their ideas! Please review and as always I welcome any and all ideas for future chappies!! Now enjoy! ^_^**

Bruce was exhausted! It had taken him several weeks to finally track down and capture the Joker before he could blow up the city. Bruce felt as if he would fall over any second now. So it was no surprise when he went to bed super early that night. Alfred stayed up slightly later than his friend but he conveniently forgot to switch on the alarm system before he turned in for the night.

As the front door creaked open giggles could be heard followed quickly by shushing noises. They could not afford to screw this up; they would never get another chance like this one. This would not end like last time when Bruce escaped from right under their noses. He would not be so lucky a second time; they had come prepared.

The intruders were dressed in black from head to toe. Several carried big black bags on their shoulders. As quietly as they were capable of the group slowly began searching the huge mansion for their prey. They peeked into Alfred's room and found the elderly butler fast asleep and snoring. They closed the door and moved onto the next room.

Bruce had no idea what was going on. He remembered gratefully falling asleep on his fluffy bed but when he awoke it was in a chair. To be more precise he discovered that he was duct taped to his rolling desk chair. His analysis of his situation came to an abrupt halt when he heard the giggles. They were the feminine young adult giggles that had come to haunt him in nightmares for months after the incident. They had invaded his house forcing him to change into Batman and flee, however not long after he became cornered in a tree surrounded by what had seemed like hundreds of…

Fan girls.

Bruce closed his eyes and prayed for this to be just another nightmare. Any second now he should wake up in his nice, warm, comfy bed and he could just laugh this off. The giggles got louder and that's when Bruce decided that if there is a God then he has a sick sense of humor.

The fan girls had noticed that Bruce was finally awake. As they attempted to hide their giggles someone dug around in a bag. Bruce had no idea what was going on or what these hormonal teenage girls planned on doing to him. A crazed look entered his eyes as he thought about all the possibilities; they were endless.

Bruce was startled out of his horror filled daydreams by the ominous sound of duct tape being unrolled. That's when he saw it. If the girls had not duct taped his mouth shut Bruce would've started screaming bloody murder. For there in one of the bags of doom was makeup; a chill ran down his spine.

For the next several hours the girls worked on Bruce's makeup and hair. It took them quite awhile because no one could agree on what would look best. They ended up removing and reapplying the makeup quite a few times before everyone grudgingly agreed that it was perfect. Not much could be done with Bruce's short hair so as a compromise they dyed it.

By the time the girls left the sun was coming up and Bruce was traumatized. In a desperate attempt to escape the confines of his room Bruce wheeled the chair over to his bedroom door. The only problem was that he couldn't get out! The fan girls had been extremely thorough when they duct taped him to the chair. His wrists, ankles, torso, and calves were all duct taped to various parts of the chair. Then inspiration struck! Alfred slept a couple rooms down the hall, if Bruce could make a big enough racket his friend would have to come investigate!

So for a couple hours Bruce was banging his chair against walls, dressers, beds, etc. Alfred never came.

Finally Bruce was forced to stop his destruction due to exhaustion. In his head he swore to track those foul girls down and then they would pay for this humiliation! MUH, HA, HA!!!

As Bruce was plotting Alfred woke up, removed his ear plugs and changed. Then he decided to bring his young master some breakfast; however the door refused to open. Alfred went back to his room and dug around for the spare key he kept in case of emergencies. He also thought it would be wise to bring a camera…

When he managed to enter Bruce's room Alfred couldn't stop laughing! This more than made up for his recent humiliation when he tried on the Bat costume! Here was the mighty Bruce Wayne, the country's most wanted bachelor and most famous billionaire, was duct taped to a chair in his boxers and a t-shirt sporting a new makeover.

His hair was dyed hot pink and his makeup even matched! Bright sparkly pink eyeshadow covered his eyelids and thick black mascara made his lashes thick and defined. His cheeks were rosy and his lips were a sparkly pink to match the eyeshadow. Bruce looked relieved to see his butler until he noticed the camera he was holding… as Alfred took pictures galore he ran around the room trying to avoid Bruce, who was madly wheeling around trying to knock Alfred off his feet.

After taking all the pictures he possibly could Alfred took some scissors and carefully released Bruce from his duct tape prison. Bruce immediately ran to the bathroom to take a shower and hopefully wash all the makeup off and the hair dye out. He washed his hair three times and could not get the hot pink out! He was terrified! What if it never came out?! He tried another three times to wash the dye out but the color still looked none the worse for wear. Most of the makeup came off in the shower but the girls had decided to use waterproof mascara. After much bribing Bruce managed to send Alfred to the store for some makeup remover. While Alfred was gone Bruce thought about his revenge. He decided that tracking down all the girls would be too tiresome and besides, how could he prove they did anything to him? That's when inspiration hit.

When Alfred woke up in the morning he changed and went down to eat breakfast. He couldn't understand why Bruce was laughing evilly, or why the mailman started laughing or the UPS man…

Finally fed up, Alfred went into the nearest bathroom and looked in the mirror. He then proceeded to chase Mr. Wayne around the house with a broom. On his face drawn in sharpie were glasses, a unibrow, a curly mustache and to complete the entourage a goatee.

So while Bruce's hair stayed hot pink for several weeks, Alfred couldn't seem to wash off the sharpie doodles for days. Needless to say neither was seen in public for awhile.

And for once, Alfred did not post the embarrassing photos of Bruce on the internet for the world to see. Instead he put them in a safe place where Bruce would never find them so they could be used later as blackmail. Alfred prayed to God that Bruce had not taken pictures of his face after doodling on it or else his blackmail would not last long…

**Now review or else! ^_^**


	11. Errands are fun! Right?

**So sorry for the long wait! Please don't kill me! I've been so busy lately that I haven't been able to find a really good block of time to write...which is a really bad excuse... ^_^ Now please enjoy! And I don't own anything...Bruce would probably kill himself from humiliation if I did...**

Alfred had never been able to resist those puppy dog eyes. Next time however, he would try a little harder. Today had been an absolute disaster! How could he have ever thought that bringing Master Bruce with him was a good idea!

This morning Alfred had announced that he was going to run errands today and Bruce immediately panicked. He started running around the house yelling something about abandonment. Then he suddenly had had an idea. If he went with Alfred he wouldn't be abandoned. So Bruce went and begged his friend to let him tag along. After five minutes of having Bruce attached to his leg crying and giving him those stupid puppy dog eyes, Alfred had caved.

Usually Bruce was fairly well behaved in public but he must have had an energy drink or something that morning because he was so hyper! It took all of Alfred's control not to strangle the bachelor ten minutes after they got in the car. Trying to ignore the young man sitting beside him with his head out the window, Alfred mentally reviewed his list of errands.

1. Dry Cleaner

2. Bank

3. Target

4. Tailor

Right then Bruce pulled his head back in the car and started playing with the window, effectively ruining Alfred's concentration. Up, down, up, down, down, up, down…

"Master Bruce! Must you play with the window?" Alfred said exasperated. Couldn't Bruce act his age for once when he wasn't fighting crime? Then again, Alfred shivered at the thought of Bruce walking around the mansion talking in his Batman voice…that would be too creepy. Finally, after what had seemed forever, Alfred parked the car in front of the dry cleaners.

"Yay…What is it?" Bruce asked as he started to circle the building. Alfred just sighed and grabbed his friend's arm to drag him through the front doors. The two marched up to the front desk where a pretty teenage girl was sitting.

"Hello Mr. Alfred! Do you have your slip?" Alfred pulled a slip of paper out of nowhere and handed it to the young lady. Bruce stared in disbelief and as soon as the girl was out of sight started poking Alfred's arms. After twenty seconds, a vein in poor Alfred's forehead started throbbing and he had his first explosion of the day.

"Master Bruce what in the world do you think you're doing!" Bruce didn't pay any attention to his friend until the arm he was poking disappeared and was replaced by Alfred's angry face. That was when Bruce noticed them. He had never seen so many in one place before!

"DUM DUMS!" And with that exclamation he ran to the front counter and started staring at the bowl filled to the brim with the deliciously flavored mini suckers. At that moment, the girl came back holding several suits and shirts all hanging in clear plastic bags. She eyed Bruce suspiciously as he started muttering to himself about which flavor to choose. Quickly, she handed Alfred the clothes and the butler in turn handed her some cash, seemingly pulling it from nowhere.

"Bye Jessica! Time to go Bruce…" An already exasperated Alfred had the clothes in one hand and was using the other one to drag Bruce out the door by his ear. When they made it to the car Alfred all but shoved Bruce into the passenger seat, set the clothes in the back, and then proceeded around the car to the driver's side. He heard the inoffensive little click as his hand was reaching for the door handle. It was abruptly followed by hysterical laughter from Bruce. Still Alfred had to try; his hand found the handle and pulled. Nothing, the door was still firmly shut. Now Alfred was muttering curses under his breath and searching his pockets for the car keys. The butler started searching more frantically…he could've sworn he had them…the last time he used them was two minutes ago from across the parking lot…and that was when Bruce moved into the driver's seat and started waving the car keys at Alfred, an evil grin spreading across his face. Luckily for Alfred, he remembered where the spare key was hidden just in time to stop Bruce from driving off and leaving him stranded in the middle of the parking lot. However, Alfred was not a happy camper; he confiscated all the dum dums that Bruce had managed to shove in his pockets causing the young man to sulk all the way to the bank.

Alfred thoroughly enjoyed the silent drive to the bank. Bruce didn't even cause trouble as they waited in line for the next available teller. That's when it happened. Three young ladies dressed from head to toe in black walked into the bank. Their faces were covered by ski masks and they had what seemed to be guns in their hands.

"Everyone we're robbing this bank! Down on the ground now!"One of the girls yelled. Immediately everyone hit the floor quiet and unmoving. The girls however were just standing around. They had gathered together behind the teller counter and were whispering furiously. Bruce managed to overhear some of their conversation.

"He'll show up right?"

"Of course! This is a bank robbery, Batman always shows up!"

"Are you sure? Shouldn't he be here by now?"

If Bruce wasn't already lying on the floor he would've sweat dropped right then and there. These girls weren't just any teenage girls but Batman Fangirls. They had even gone so far as to pretend to rob a bank to lure him out. Mentally Bruce thanked god that no one knew his secret identity…otherwise, he cringed to think what these girls would do to him.

Still, Bruce felt he had to do something. He couldn't just sit around while these numbskulls tried to rob a bank. As Batman he had responsibilities! Alfred seemed to guess what Bruce was thinking and whispered to his friend.

"Don't do anything Master Bruce. You don't have your costume with you and besides the banks are used to this, the police will be here anytime." The only response Alfred received was a disbelieving stare.

True to his word, sirens started wailing loudly as several police cars pulled up to the front of the bank. The girls gave up quickly and handed their 'weapons' over to the police which turned out to be water guns.

"Hmmm…That's a new record." Alfred stated as he checked his watch. Bruce still couldn't quite grasp the situation. How could a bunch of teenage girls be so desperate? And exactly how often had this happened to Alfred?

They finished their business quickly in the bank after the girls had left and then the two guys headed for their next destination. Target. Bruce stopped sulking on their way and was rewarded with one of his confiscated suckers. Happy he stared out the window at nothing. Alas, the calm could not last. Target was on the other side of town from the bank.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

…

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

…

"Are we"

"NO!"

Bruce had started being annoying approximately five minutes after they left the bank and now he would not stop asking the most annoying question ever invented. Alfred really, really wanted to bash his head against a wall. Eventually they reached Target with Bruce in one piece but oh how Alfred wanted to strangle his best friend. The poor butler had even considered, on more than one occasion, pulling over and retrieving the duct tape from the trunk to tape Bruce's mouth shut…

They entered the store and Alfred immediately headed towards the section he needed but Bruce saw something and started running the other direction. Alfred chased him down and dragged him by the ear over to the personal hygiene items. They were almost out of shampoo, conditioner, and all sorts of other important items.

"SHINY!" And Bruce was off again. Alfred sighed and decided that they were only in Target. How much trouble could one person get into here?

Bruce was like a little kid in a candy store. He was everywhere at once, touching absolutely everything, possibly dropping a couple things, and yelling at the top of his lungs. He paid no attention to the weird stares he was receiving and continued to quite literally run around the store. What was even better was that Alfred had decided to ignore him thus giving him free reign…MUH, HA, HA!

Alfred muttered under his breath about how he had had enough for one day. He rolled a duct taped Bruce out of Target, after apologizing profusely to the store managers for all the ruckus the young man had caused. The only things Alfred had ended up buying was the duct tape currently keeping Bruce from running away and the chair he was duct taped too. Alfred was exhausted from running around the entire store chasing a strangely energetic Bruce. What finally allowed Alfred to catch up was when Bruce found the Batman action figures. He was so absorbed by the plastic toys that he never noticed Alfred behind him until it was too late. The older gentleman had been armed with two rolls of duct tape and quickly bound Bruce's hands and feet. Then one of the store managers had rolled over a chair from the furniture department and Alfred had used more duct tape to keep Bruce in the chair. It was comfy…

Alfred enjoyed a nice quiet ride back to the mansion, followed by a nice quiet relaxing time on the couch in front of the T.V. The best part of Alfred's night was not having to worry about what Bruce was doing and if he was going to accidentally blow up the mansion. He wasn't worrying because Bruce was still duct taped to a chair which was currently placed in the nearest corner, giving Bruce a nice view of a plain white wall. From then on Bruce always flinched away from the sight of duct tape and never again did he dare ask to join Alfred on another errand.

**YAY! I love duct tape... Please Review and tell me what you think! And as always suggestions are welcome! If there are any humiliating situations you would love to see Bruce or Alfred in please let me know! ^_^**


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